Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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