Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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