im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
MIDGETS
????
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
