about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
