i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize