Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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