She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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