My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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