South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
