You just made me feel so damn special
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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