why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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