If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
