coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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