How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
