Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm at about main and main street
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
