i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
