I just made out with a guy for $7.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
