Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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