I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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