he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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