Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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