I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
