dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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