WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
