best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
