I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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