Buhtt sex?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
