As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
