my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
