so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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