Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Small penises have feelings too.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
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