So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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