I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
