My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
