We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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