we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
