once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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