dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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