Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
