Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
