I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize