I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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