I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pants are for mortals
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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