i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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