Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
