Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
