She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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