between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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