My nipple is on Facebook.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
