I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
