tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize