Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
