How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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