guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
