Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
