Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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