btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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