I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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