How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
