youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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