Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

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(586): View more from Michigan

we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.

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(210): View more from Texas

it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.

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(734): View more from Michigan

He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.

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(416): View more from Toronto

When did you hit me on the head with a stool?

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(650): View more from California

Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.

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