During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
