I'm lost and stupid without you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
