He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
