I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
