I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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