What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
