dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
