Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
