You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
