I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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