It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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