think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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