The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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