turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
