Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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