weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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