Define "chronic" masturbator.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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