officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
