Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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