Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
