I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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