The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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