the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
