turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
