idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
