Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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