i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
