we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
