the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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