I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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